"If you want to be happy, be."

It seems like I have taken a small blogging vacation for the past eight or nine days. I promised myself I wouldn't do that. But, I didn't want to bore any of you out there with my monotonous and unexciting life more than necessary, so in one way I did myself and everyone else a favor. I refuse to blog about only my life and how its going and what I'm doing all the time. I'm not saying that I will never do that, because Lord knows I'll break that promise eventually, but I am promising to only write on here when I get that feeling. You all know what I mean. That feeling that you have all these words built up in your head that have come from some recent experience that you find you simply must share even if no one really listens. At this moment in time, I have that feeling, and even though I have an exam in the morning and will more than likely regret staying up to write this, I'm going to write it, because I have to. Simple as that.

I was in my lovely English class today reviewing for our exam that we have this Thursday. I find myself situated as far back in the classroom as possible, my last name being close to the end of the alphabet and all. Not at all the position you want to be in when you find yourself struggling to focus. But, alas, that was my predicament today. Usually I can find a way to muddle through the hour and a half without falling asleep or losing concentration. No such luck today.

We were having a discussion (by 'we' I mean the front half of the class) about topics that we could potentially be given to write an essay about for one section of our exam. Our teacher gave us a sheet with the topics on them, and proceded to question us and let us talk amongst ourselves about our ideas and opinions on each topic. As I was reading and thinking, I can across one topic that really just sort of stopped me in my mental tracks. I knew my opinion on it, but could think of no valid argument that could be backed up by any type of common idea or literature. The topic read something like this: "Which do you think is more important; happiness, or responsibility? Write and explain three reasons to support your opinion."

I hardly listened to any other topic that was discussed, so absorbed was I in trying to figure out what I thought about that question and how I would answer it in a fashionable and intelligent way. I talked about it with the class, but I still have yet to completely arrange my thoughts. So I thought I would share what I have so far with you guys (meaning my two awesome followers- you guys rock, and anyone who stumbles upon this).

My opinion was, and still is, that responsibility is more important. I think so, because if you compare happiness to responsibility, responsibility is forever and thrust upon us, and happiness seems to wash in and out of our lives as we allow it to.You can go looking for happiness, and it will refuse to be found. You can go looking for responsibility, and boy, you will find it everywhere you turn.

I think that happiness eludes us so because we purposefully go looking for it. Happiness cannot be found, rather, it is made. First of all though, you must allow yourself to feel it and know when it is there. It can show up when you least expect it, like when you are the first one awake in the house, and sit enjoying your morning coffee in the early quiet. It just appears, without reason or cause. It just, is.

Earlier tonight my mom and I saw a new movie that just came out, called Eat. Pray. Love. Highly recommend it if you haven't gotten the chance to see it yet. It was about a woman, who went searching the world for herself so to speak. She went to Italy, India, and Bali to find happiness and balance in her heart and soul. Other than making me want to travel incredibly badly, it showed me this unusual and confusing path to happiness and contentment with oneself. In the end, it came down to the fact that you must allow yourself to feel this happiness, and not associate it with anything in particular. In other words, to be content, you must learn to let your mind clear and be filled with blissful nothingness for whatever period of time is available. This is harder than it sounds! How many times have you successfully thought of absolutely nothing? I can't think of a time when I wasn't thinking of things that I had to get done, things that I had to plan for, or things that I had to say. My mind is always busy with something, be it stupid or important. After watching this movie and having this discussion in class however, I am going to try to clear my head more, and give myself a few moments of profound nothingness whenever possible during the day. Yes, I am highly aware of how silly this sounds, but if you think about it, every idea seems silly in its beginnings.

"Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."